


Break Me

by bisexualparkers



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Blood and Injury, F/M, I'm Sorry, Mentions of Panic Attacks, Near Death Experiences, Swearing, Violence, semi-graphic depictions of violence, so angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-16 23:40:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14821107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisexualparkers/pseuds/bisexualparkers
Summary: You know Peter has been keeping something from you and after nearly dying inside the Washington Monument you finally realize that you've had enough. Telling him how hurt you've been lately doesn't go how either of you planned it would.





	1. part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi friends! This was inspired by the song Break Me by This Wild Life and written for starksparker's 4k writing challenge on tumblr. I might turn this into a multi part thing but as of now it's just gonna be a one-shot! Enjoy!

_“We all lie just to get by_

_It feels fine for a little while_

_I can’t keep it up for long_

_Cause I’m spinning a web and I’m stuck and it’s fucked_

_But I know this will hurt_

_Cause when I’m hurt, I treat you worse”_

 

You had known something was up with Peter for a while now. It had started after he attended some science exhibit about a year ago, but back then it didn’t seem like anything serious. Ever since he got this Stark internship though, things had just spiraled out of control. He was constantly skipping class and always seemed to have some new bruise adorning his body.

Things had really gotten bad lately though. It started with you losing Ned. Before, you and him would always joke about where Peter had disappeared to when he inevitably bailed on any plans the three of you made. It had gotten to the point where you would just look at each other and blurt the most absurd thing that came into your head. Not two weeks ago Ned had yelled out the phrase “space orgy” in the middle of the coffee shop where you were studying which caused more than a few heads to turn. Then suddenly last week, Ned was now abandoning you too. You had politely excused yourself from their plans to put together Ned’s new Lego Death Star, since that had always been more of their thing than yours but now you really wished you hadn’t. Something had happened that night that got Peter to tell Ned whatever was going on, leaving you alone in your obliviousness.

The events that unfolded today had been the last straw.

Peter had ditched the decathlon, even though he knew how big of a deal it was to you, Ned, and the rest of your teammates. That wasn’t even the worst part though. You had been inside the Washington Monument’s elevator when some bomb or something had gone off, forcing you to live through the scariest ten minutes of your life. You had already been uncomfortable inside elevators, and as you listened to the crunch of glass and the creaking of the compromised cables it was all you could do to not have a full blown panic attack. As your teammates scrambled out of the elevator, hoisted up by people from the floor above, it took all of your willpower to keep yourself from throwing up. Then, the cables snapped and you, Ned, Liz, and Mr. Harrington nearly plummeted to your death. Out of nowhere, Spider-man shot into the elevator, shooting a web upwards and putting a stop to your terrifying descent. Pulling the metal box to where the security guards could reach everyone again, you watched as everyone left the elevator. You tried to follow, but your fear left you rooted to the floor and unable to move.

You had been vaguely aware of everyone shouting your name and the red and blue clad hero urging you to get off the elevator but all you could focus on was your heart frantically pounding against your ribs, and the groaning of the metal as the elevator car swayed back and forth. You had tried to shove down the bile rising in your throat and urge your legs into action but your stomach was still doing somersaults from the fall that had just happened and you felt like you could barely keep yourself breathing. When the spot that Spider-man had been supporting himself on gave way and the elevator began its free fall again, you couldn’t even find it in yourself to scream.

When one of Spider-man’s webs wrapped itself around your wrist, stopping your fall and nearly dislocating your shoulder, you finally started crying. As he carefully hoisted you up and onto the safety of solid ground, the shock set in, numbing you completely to your surroundings. The rest of the ordeal passed in a blur as paramedics checked everyone out to make sure they were unharmed and Mr. Harrington ushered everyone back to the bus.

~~~~~

You weren’t sure when Peter had shown up again, but you saw him and Ned discussing something in hushed tones as everyone boarded the school bus to head back home. They didn’t look up as you brushed past them, electing to find a seat in the very back of the bus opposite of MJ rather than sit next to them. You could tell when you weren’t wanted somewhere.

Resting your head against the cold glass pane of the bus window, you pulled out your worn down headphones and put them on. You didn’t have much music on your phone, but you just wanted some background noise, something to drown out the buzz in your ears and the ache in your heart.

Most of the drive was spent staring at the scenery whipping past you in a blur as you tried to process everything that had happened. You didn’t even notice Peter’s presence until you felt the worn leather bus seat sink a little as he sat down next to you.

“Y/N?” he asked timidly. He was still rattled from the days events, and confused as to why you had sat back here by yourself and not with your two best friends.

His voice was soft, but you still heard it over the music. You ignored him, knowing that if you spoke you would more than likely start crying again and you really didn’t feel like causing a scene on the bus.

“Y/N, please. What’s wrong?” Peter tried again, this time tentatively placing a hand on your shoulder.

You shrugged him off, surprising both yourself and the boy next to you. “Don’t,” you said softly, barely loud enough for him to hear. You pulled your headphones out of your ears roughly, twisting them around nervously. “You don’t get to do this now”

The pain in your voice struck him like a knife, causing an unexpected flare of anger to rise up inside him. What was that even supposed to mean? He had just saved your life, even if you didn’t know it was him. “What do you mean I don’t get to do this now?” he asked, unable to keep the anger out of his voice, but regretting it immediately when he saw you flinch.

You took a moment to gather your thoughts, ignoring the way his brown eyes seemed to bore into you. “I mean, you don’t get to be concerned about me. Not now, not anymore.”

He opened his mouth, ready to ask you again what you meant when you laid a gentle hand on his forearm, causing him to fall silent. You finally shifted in your seat, turning to face him. “If you wanted to be worried about me, you should have shown it hours ago. I just had a near death experience, but when my friend gets back from playing hooky he can’t even stop by and ask if I’m alright?”

Your voice broke a little, but you pushed the tears down and pressed on, knowing that if you didn’t say this now you never would. “No, you had to go see Ned right away who is apparently the only one that’s worthy of knowing whatever secret you’ve been keeping. You know, if you guys didn’t want me around anymore you could have just told me, I’m sick of being ditched and feeling like I’m not good enough to be around the people who have been my best friends since the third grade.”

Peter felt his heart shatter as you spoke, his spidey senses tuning him in to just how hurt you felt. He didn’t realize that things had gotten this bad. He’d wanted to tell you about the whole Spider-man thing the second it happened, _god_ he’d wanted to tell you about it every second since, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do so. If he told you, you’d be put in more danger than you already were just by knowing him. He’d seen the way things had played out over the years with Tony Stark and Pepper, the way that villains were always drawn to hurting the people that the heroes cared about the most. He wouldn’t let that happen. Not to you.

You had been best friends from the very first day you met and you shyly asked if you could sit with him at lunch. Over the years he’d come to care for you more than he did most people, which said quite a lot. He’d always gone out of his way to help and protect you, but after getting his powers that had just been heightened. Trying to find the right words to say, he sat there in silence, giving you the opening you needed to keep spilling out all the feelings you had built up over the last few months.

“I know you’re wrapped up in something, Peter. And I know it’s dangerous. You tried to hide the bruises and the fact that you’ve become a completely different person, but I noticed. Because I pay attention to the people I care about. It’s one thing to skip decathlon and let everyone down, but it’s another to know that two of your best friends just very nearly died and only go comfort one of them. It’s not fair to me Peter, for me to always and unconditionally be there for you and you not do the same to me.” You shut your eyes and clenched your hands into fists, focusing on the bite of pain as your nails dug into your palms and willing away the tears that were threatening to fall.

When you opened your eyes, Peter’s expression had completely changed. Your words had stung, causing the anger inside of him to flare up again. He knew it was probably just because of the exhaustion and him coming down from the stress of the last twenty four hours, but before he could stop himself, the words just started tumbling out of his mouth.

“Don’t think for a second that you even have an inkling of what’s really going on,” he retorted, shocking himself with the venom that he put into his words. “God, for once just try to understand that not everything is about you!”

You recoil a bit at those words, suddenly confused at the way he was treating you. “Not everything is about me, Peter? Do you even hear yourself? I literally just almost fell multiple of stories to my _**death**_ , but you’re right I’m sorry for being so self-absorbed.”

“Look, I’m sorry you almost died and yeah it’s shitty but you didn’t die, did you? Nearly everyone on this bus just went through the same ordeal, why aren’t you worrying about them? You seem to have enough time to constantly be worrying about me, even though it’s not your place, why not extend the same courtesy to everyone else here?” He knew he didn’t mean a word of what he was saying, but he couldn’t seem to stop.

“I can’t help it if I trust Ned with some things more than I do with you, but you need to stop thinking that you could possibly know what’s best for me. You say I’ve been a bad friend, but what about you? You keep grilling me with unnecessary questions about my Stark internship, but when will you accept that it’s just an internship. I’m sorry if you’re jealous, but the fact that I’m just smarter than you is something I have no control over.” His words washed over you like an ice bath, freezing you to your seat and making you sick to your stomach.

“Peter, stop” you finally murmured, no longer able to hold back the hot tears that were spilling into your lap.

He pressed on, talking over you. “No, Y/N, if you want to do this, then we’re gonna do it. If you get to say your piece about how I’m a terrible friend then you get to listen to what I have to say as well.”

“Peter, **STOP!** ” you shouted this time, causing Peter to stop talking and a hush to fall over the entire bus. “I’m done,” you said, shaking your head a little, “I’m done.”

He cocked his head at this. “What do you mean you’re done? You’re done with what?” he replied, his voice low and a pit forming in his stomach. He had an idea where this was heading and it wasn’t an idea he liked.

“I mean, I’m done! I’m done with you, with all of this. You can go back to sitting with Ned and being so damn chummy about whatever the hell it is you two have to gossip about. We’re not friends anymore, Parker. I can’t put up with this shit, and more than anything I can’t put up with you for a second longer!” You knew you were causing a scene at this point and that everyone was staring at you two.

He sat there for a moment, his jaw hanging open. Never in a million years did he expect the friendship you two had shared to come to an end, especially not like this. Apologizing was probably the correct thing to do right now, but his stupid, stupid pride kept him from saying anything. If you wanted to make him the villain in this story, then fine. Why should it matter that he was literally the hero that just saved your life.

Still, looking at your tear streaked face he wanted nothing more than to wrap you up in his arms and tell you everything. The thought of losing you made him feel ill. Before he could say anything though, you simply turned back towards the window and put your headphones back in, resuming your music like nothing had happened.

Stunned, he sat there for a moment longer waiting for you to turn back to him and say something, _**anything**_ , but when you didn’t he hoisted himself out of the seat and walked back down the aisle to where Ned was waiting with wide eyes and an open mouth.

He didn’t see the way you sat there, clutching yourself and trying to keep the sobs that now overwhelmed you quiet, or the way that MJ slid into the spot he just left and wrapped her arms around you. He didn’t hear anything Ned was saying to him, though he knew from the tone that Ned wasn’t happy with the way things had just gone down. Peter had only one thought cutting through the numbness that now threatened to overwhelm him.

_At least now she’ll be safe._


	2. part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one where everything just gets worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! first off thank you guys so much for the amazing response to part 1 ya'll really blew me away with that and it means so much to me! due to popular demand there is a part 2 but once again i'm a little on the fence if i want to continue this series with a part 3 so please let me know if that's something you want to see from me!!!

The next few weeks passed in somewhat of a haze. School quickly went from something you had enjoyed and looked forward to attending to your own personal hell on Earth. Every day for nearly eight hours your were painfully aware of what Peter was doing. How often he and Ned would bust out laughing at nothing in particular, how many unexplained absences he began to accrue, how much you missed him.  


You two still had English together, though when you had sat down the first Monday after your fight you noticed he had chosen to sit in a desk on the opposite side of the room from his usual spot next to you. It shouldn’t have hurt, considering you were the one that ended the friendship, but the empty seat seemed to taunt you for the entire class period.  
For the first couple of days, Ned tried his best to still talk to you and would invite you to sit with them at lunch. You tried it out but between the pity in Ned’s eyes and the way that Peter would sullenly pick at his food for five minutes before disappearing for the rest of the time, you quickly gave it up. Taking a page from Peter’s book, you simply started ignoring Ned. Eventually he gave up trying and soon he and Peter were closer than ever.  


One unexpected result of all this though was the friendship you developed with MJ. You’d always seen her around school but she never really spoke to anyone and you had been fine with that. You’d been surprised when she comforted you on the bus ride back to school, and even more so when she started sitting with you every day at lunch. For the most part you two were content to sit in a comfortable silence, but occasionally you would exchange a few words.  


Slowly you began to open up to each other, her showing you her sketches and you telling her all about your dance classes and even showing her a clip or two of your most recent routine. The two of you never really talked about that night on the bus, but you noticed that every time you’d start staring too long at Peter she would instantly start up a new conversation to help take your mind off of him.  


Still, with homecoming quickly approaching, the boy you once had called your best friend was on your mind more than ever. At the beginning of the school year, the entire decathlon team had agreed to go to homecoming as a group. Everyone except Flash of course, who had simply claimed that he “didn’t want to be seen in public with Penis Parker.” Now the thought of being in such close proximity to Peter for an entire evening made you nauseous, and you had decided that you would just stay home. MJ had offered to skip it with you, but you’d heard how excited she was about the dress she’d got for the dance and didn’t want to be the one that kept her from wearing it.  


This was how you ended up eating nearly an entire pizza and watching your favorite movies on a Friday night while everyone you knew was dancing the night away in the school gym. Well, nearly everyone.  


There was no way you could have known that Peter was off stopping Liz’s dad from stealing priceless alien artifacts from Tony Stark, and nearly dying in the process. There was no way that Peter could have known that by doing so, he was setting off a series of events that would result in nothing but disaster for him. He couldn’t have known that Liz’s dad would reveal his identity to a few friends he would make in prison, or that those people would share it with their contacts in the outside world.  


He knew that he’d made some enemies along the way, it was to be expected in the superhero business, but he didn’t know just how far they were willing to go to hurt him.

~~~~~ 

The news of the Vulture’s arrest and his real identity spread through Midtown like a wildfire. You couldn’t help but feel a little bad for Liz as you watched the other students start spreading nasty rumours about her even though just days beforehand many of them had very nearly worshiped the girl. Even though you two had never really hung out, she had been a great decathlon coach and nothing but nice to you, so you were sad to hear about her moving away.  


This incident piqued your interest though, as it was the second time the Spider-man had been involved in something so close to you. You couldn’t help but wonder who he was and how he kept managing to be in the right place at the right time.  


These were the thoughts that were still running through your mind a few weeks later as you walked home from school, humming contentedly along to the music playing through your headphones. 

You were simply stopping by to say hi to your parents and grab your biology textbook before meeting MJ at the coffee shop around the corner to work on a project you two had been assigned today. Shivering a little against the brisk New York weather, you pulled your jacket a little tighter around your body and increased your pace so as to get out of the cold quicker. You decided to take a shortcut, one that you knew would cut down on your walk by at least five minutes which sounded delightful right about now.  


As you cut across the road to pass through a less travelled side street, you didn’t notice the men following behind you. In fact, you didn’t realize anything was out of place until a pair of unfamiliar arms wrapped around your body and hoisted you into the air. With one arm around your waist and the other across your mouth, your attacker left you without the ability to run or yell for help. He was also built like a brick wall, meaning that your wild kicks and punches seemed to have no impact on him.  


Your headphones had fallen out in the short scuffle and you heard another pair of footsteps approach and you prayed that it was someone here to help and not a friend of whoever had grabbed you.  


“Are you sure this is the right girl?” the newcomer asked, confirming your suspicions that he was not going to help you out of this.  


“Positive,” the man behind you responded gruffly as you kicked him in the knee once again in your struggle to free yourself.  
The first man walked around to where he was in front of you now, finally allowing you to lay eyes on at least one of your attackers. He was a weaselly looking man, with black hair slicked back flat against his skull and blue eyes that cut into you like knives. “Well then pretty girl, let’s hope that your boy Peter cares about you as much as we heard he does” the man said, a cruel grin dancing across his face.  


Your head jerked up in confusion at this. Peter? What on Earth did he have to do with anything?  


You didn’t get a chance to ask these questions though, as the man pressed a cloth full of a foul smelling substance against your face. As black spots danced around the edge of your vision you tried to struggle, but that only seemed to make things worse and before you could do anything else you had faded into unconsciousness.

~~~~~

Peter had known something was wrong all afternoon. His heightened senses had been screaming at him, but it wasn’t until Ned didn’t show up to work on their biology project that he began to realize that something horrible must have happened. After calling him over a dozen times, only to be sent to voicemail he knew he had to do something. Frantically digging through his closet, he pulled out his Spider-man mask and shoved it on, instantly being greeted by Karen.  


“Good evening Peter, what are we going to do tonight?” the AI asked, same as she did every time he donned the suit.  


“Uh, yeah, hi Karen, can you do me a favor and scan all the CCTV footage in the last two hours for my friend Ned? I think he’s gone missing” Peter responded, as he walked over to his bedroom door and pushed it shut. Just because May knew about Spider-man didn’t mean she needed to know everything he did.  


“Sure thing, Peter” she cheerfully responded, pulling up several different screens on his visual display. “Oh, you’ve got an incoming call from someone named MJ? Should I put it through?”  


“MJ?” Peter murmured to himself, now thoroughly confused. She had become close friends with you ever since you’d had your fight but he hadn’t really ever spoken to her outside of school. “Uh, sure Karen why not.”  


“Is Y/N with you? I swear to God if she is then I’m gonna kick her ass” MJ demanded immediately, not waiting for him to say hello.  


He felt the pit in his stomach grow, and he was now sure that something awful had happened. “N-no, I haven’t seen her. Not since…” he trailed off, realizing he couldn’t remember the last time he had seen you outside of school or the decathlon.  


“Do you have any idea where she would be? We were supposed to work on that biology project we were assigned today but she never showed. I’ve been waiting here for hours.” The girl sounded justifiably exasperated but Peter knew how unlike you it was to bail on something and not even let anyone know. First Ned, now you? Something just wasn’t right.  


As if right on cue, Karen’s voice cut through the awkward silence that was forming between him and MJ. “Peter, I found something and it’s not good.”  


Not wanting to explain what was going on, he forced out a quick “Sorry, MJ” before hanging up on her and having the video footage that Karen had found displayed in front of him. The grainy image showed Ned getting jumped by a few men only a few blocks from where Peter was currently sitting. His attackers seemed to have chloroformed him before dragging him over to a dark van parked by the curb. When they opened the doors to put him inside, his heart dropped at what he saw.  


“Karen, pause the video and zoom in on the back of the van.” he nearly yelled, his voice shaking from… fear? Guilt? He wasn’t sure.  


He knew that yours was a face he would recognize anywhere, and when Karen zoomed in he knew that the unconscious girl in the vehicle was you. Seeing two of the people closest to him thrown around by strange men sent him into full on panic mode. Before he even knew what he was doing he had put on the rest of his suit and hopped out his window, scaling the side of his building to reach the roof. “Karen where’s that van now?” he asked, trying to keep the anxiety rising in him out of his voice.  


“It’s at an abandoned shipping warehouse near the East River, would you like to call Mr. Stark for backup?”  


“No, this is on me Karen. I’ve gotta be the one to fix this,” he replied already swinging across the rooftops towards where you and Ned were being held captive.  


Upon landing on the building next to where you were, he crouched down scanning the outside. He saw the van from the footage, but nobody around it. Still, he knew he couldn’t go in blind if he wanted to keep you and Ned safe. “Karen, activate advanced reconnaissance mode,” he whispered, careful to keep his voice down unless there was anyone lurking where he couldn’t see them. The drone peeled away from his chest, whirring towards the seemingly empty building.

~~~~~

When you finally came to, the first thing you noticed was the throbbing in your head. Still groggy from the chemicals, you struggled to place your surroundings or remember what happened in the moments leading up to you blacking out. Suddenly, it all came rushing back at once.  


Jerking forward, you noticed too late that you had been bound to a small metal chair and instead of standing up as you intended, you toppled forward. With your hands bound behind the chair, you were unable to break your fall instead letting out a sharp yelp of pain as your face collided with the concrete floor. Rolling to your side, you gasped again when you saw Ned tied to a chair similar to yours mere feet from where you were laying.  


Before you could do anything, your attention was drawn away from your friend by raucous laughter and the sounds of people approaching you. “God you’re a stupid one” a voice said from behind you, and you recognized it as one of the men from earlier. Hands grasped your forearm, roughly yanking you up from the ground. You stifled another outcry as the rope bindings cut into your wrists while the man returned your chair to its original position.  


The slimy looking man from earlier walked into your view now, followed by four other men that were all at least three times your size. “Here I was thinking we’d have to be the ones to rough you up a bit before our little arachnid friend got here,” he sneered down at you.  


“Guess we’ll just have to have our fun with your friend over here,” he continued as he walked over to where Ned was, still unconscious.  


“Leave him alone!” you screamed before you could stop yourself, causing the man and his cronies to freeze in their tracks. The leader turned back to face you, that cruel smile once again twisting his features into an image that you knew would leave you with nightmares for years to come assuming you made it out of this alive.  
“

What sweetheart, would you rather you two have matching bruises? I’m sure Peter will love that,” he crooned, gesturing for two of the towering forms behind him to walk back over to where you were.  


You knew that you should have been terrified as you looked up at the monsters now looming over you, but you were too wrapped up in your thoughts. This was the second time that they had mentioned Peter’s name, which didn’t make sense. Why would he have anything to do with these horrible people? The arachnid comment sprung to mind again, your brain offering a simple answer as to why you were here but you shook it away. There’s no way that Peter Parker, the shy nerdy kid you’d known since third grade was Spider-man.  


You didn’t have any more time to think on it though before you hear Ned let out a guttural yell of pain to your right. You whip your head to the side, making eye contact with him for a split second before you see something arcing through the air towards your body. Turning your head back, you can do nothing but watch as the man in front of you swings a crowbar at you making direct contact with your left knee. An animalistic scream tore itself from your throat, a noise that you didn’t even know you could make, covering up the crunching of bone as your kneecap shatters beneath the impact. The pain radiates outward, consuming your thoughts as you struggle to remember how to breathe.

~~~~~

Peter had been rooted to his spot on the rooftop when he saw you and Ned both tied to chairs from the drone’s camera. His expression had glazed over, not entirely focused on what he was seeing, instead only hearing the demons in his head chanting at him that this was all his fault. It was your scream that snapped him out of his reverie. A scream he’d heard before in all of his worst nightmares. A scream caused by pain he’d been trying to protect you from.  


All rational thought left his mind and he shifted into action, swinging across the gap between the two buildings and bursting through a window. He tucked and rolled, landing smoothly but about fifty yards away from where you and Ned were. The five men holding you two captive all immediately drew their guns, but instead of pointing them at him they were directed at you and Ned.  


One man stepped forward though, the one who seemed to have orchestrated this whole thing. “Ah, so nice of you to finally join us, Peter.”  


He’d figured that they knew his identity by now, how else would they have known to target his friends, but it still felt weird hearing that name while wearing his Spider-man suit. This wasn’t the time for small talk though, and Peter cut straight to the chase.  


“Let them go,” he shouted, his voice bouncing off the concrete walls and creating an eerie echo.  


“Now, where would the fun in that be?” the man asked. “No no no, first we’re going to play a game.”  
Peter glanced between you and Ned, his heart heavy at the sight in front of him. Ned looked terrified, blood dripping down his face from where his nose had been broken just seconds earlier and purple bruises already forming on nearly every inch of exposed skin. You didn’t seem any better though. You were slumped forward, limp in your bindings and if he didn’t have the ability to hear your shallow breaths he would have thought you dead. The lower half of your left leg was wrenched out into an unnatural angle and your the entire right side of your face was a horrific shade of purple. What really broke him though was when you finally managed to lift your head up, attempting to make eye contact with him even though one of your eyes had begun to swell shut at this point. The pain and anger in your eyes was all directed at him and he swore he could hear your thoughts in that moment. The way you were screaming and cursing at him for keeping this secret, for not trusting you with this when he knew he should have, for allowing this to happen to you.  


The sound of one of the guns being cocked dragged his attention away from you and back to the entire situation in front of him. Going up against five men with loaded guns meant that without a doubt someone would end up hurt, so he decided to play along for the time being.  


“Are you paying attention, Peter? I’m going to tell you the rules of the game,” the man called to him. “Don’t worry they’re simple enough for even a spider to remember.”  


“Rule number one: you must absolutely take that dreadful mask off. I want everyone to be able to see your face during what comes next,” he called, his voice taking on a sing-song tone.  
Peter hesitated at this, still unwilling to fully reveal himself to these criminals but the man simply walked over to Ned and shoved the barrel of his gun against his friends temple causing the young boy to let out a small whimper. “I don’t like to repeat myself Peter.” the man stated, his tone now unforgivingly cold.  


Ignoring Karen’s warnings, he reached up and yanked the mask off. Your eyes widen as he meets your gaze and you are no longer able to deny what now seemed all to obvious. Peter was Spider-man. Glancing over at Ned, you noted that he didn’t seem surprised which made sense. This was what they were keeping from you. It stung, that they felt like you couldn’t be trusted with this but there were bigger issues at the moment.  


The black haired man broke out into a grin again. “Excellent. Rule number two: you have to choose between Ned and Y/N here. The person you choose will be handed over to you, no worse for wear than they already are. Then the two of you are going to watch while I shoot the friend you didn’t pick.”  
Peter felt his jaw go slack as both you and Ned stilled in your seats. The terror in the room was palpable, and Peter was still in a state of disbelief. There was no way he could choose between you two, he just couldn’t do it.  


“Oh,” the man continued, “and if you don’t pick one, I’ll kill them both. You have until the count of ten.”  


“ _ **One.** ”  
_

Peter’s brain kicked into overdrive at this, trying to piece together a plan that would keep all of you alive in the limited time he was given.  


You felt sick to your stomach, knowing that there was no good outcome to be had here.  


“ _ **Two.** ”  
_

Scanning the room he noticed a small, concrete alcove near where you had been tied up.  


If Peter chose you then you would be forced to live with the guilt of Ned’s death.  


“ _ **Three**.”  
_

He glanced back to you and Ned, taking stock of the states each of you were in. With your leg there was no way you’d be able to walk right now.  


If Peter chose Ned then you would die.  


“ _ **Four.** ”  
_

His brown eyes found yours, and he silently pleaded for you to trust him and what he was about to do.  


You couldn’t bring yourself to meet his gaze with anything but the anger you felt towards him for not telling you about his secret, and the resignation you felt towards your coming death.  


“ _ **Five.”  
**_

He turned to Ned now, again silently asking for his friend to trust what was about to happen. Ned seemed to catch on, making Peter feel a bit more confident.  


You knew he was going to chose Ned, that he obviously didn’t care about you anymore, but it still stung to think that he would just let you die.  


“ _ **Six.** ”  
_

He sent out a silent prayer to anyone that could be listening, hoping that what he was about to attempt would work.  


You started crying at this point, unable to stifle your fear any longer.  


“ _ **Seven.** ”  
_

There was no point in delaying the inevitable now, and Peter finally spoke up. “I choose Ned,” he called.  


You’d known it was coming, but it didn’t hurt any less. The sound of your sobs filled the room, causing Peter to wince. The man in charge let out a sinister smile and pulled out a small knife from his pockets. Slashing the ropes that had bound Ned’s arms and legs, he hauled the boy forward nearly throwing him at Peter before walking over to where you were still tied and crying.  


Ned stumbled towards Peter, letting out a small “What did you do?” before Peter sprang into action. Pulling Ned behind him, he leapt into the air and slammed his mask back over his head. He shouted at Karen to switch his web shooters into rapid fire mode before quickly taking aim at the four henchmen. His webs found their marks, sealing the barrels of their guns and rendering them useless.  


The men started at this, but couldn’t do anything else before he took aim again, this time hitting them in the head and rendering them all unconscious. Quickly switching back to his default setting, he now aimed at you. His intent was to move you out of the way into the alcove he had spotted earlier so he could deal with the man in charge without the fear of you or Ned getting hurt.  


You were still in shock, eyes half full of tears still when you looked up and saw Peter’s webs flying towards you. As they wrapped around the legs of your chair, pulling you to safety you felt a sharp pain in your stomach and then a painful warmth spreading throughout your torso.  


It wasn’t until you heard the bang a split second later that you realized what had happened.  


You had been shot.  


You looked down in dazed disbelief, staring at your body as the crimson stain spread across the entire front of your shirt. You heard someone in the distance screaming, and a solid thump as the man responsible for your injury hit the floor, convulsing from the taser web that was wrapped around his body.  


Suddenly Peter was hovering above you, worry and fear etched into his face as he frantically ripped off the bindings that still held you to the chair. His voice sounded distorted and like it was miles away as he tried talking to you.  


“Stay with me,” he was saying as he pressed against the wound in an attempt to staunch the blood flow. “Oh God, Y/N please just stay with me it’s going to be okay. I’ve got you now.”  


You smiled up at him, delirious from the sudden blood loss. “It’s okay Pete, I knew you wouldn’t choose me. I know you don’t care anymore,” you murmur as your vision starts to go fuzzy, preventing you from seeing the pained expression that crossed his face at your words.  


You let out a sharp gasp of pain as he picks you up, cradling you in one of his arms as gently as he can. He turns back to Ned for a moment, but the other boy shakes his head.  


“Get her to a hospital,” you hear him say before your vision goes black for the second time today."  


~~~~~

Everything was a blur to Peter as he soared through the skies of Queens, his only focus on the shallow and gasping breaths you were still struggling to take in his arms. Your blood soaked through your shirt and jacket, staining the front of his suit making him shudder. In his mind he’s replaying the moment you got shot over and over again, torturing himself with the knowledge that he was just a little too slow and that it might end up costing you your life.  


Reaching the hospital, he thrust you into the shocked arms of the ER nurses, not sticking around for the questions that he knows will follow. Right now all he wants is to wash the smell of your blood off of him.  


He wasn’t sure when he started crying, or how he made it back to his apartment. Aunt May was putting away some laundry in his room when he tumbled through the window. Noticing the blood, she was immediately all over him, tearing the suit off to make sure it wasn’t his.  


“Petey what happened, I need you to talk to me” she coaxed, pulling her nephew into her arms as he started letting out hiccuping sobs. His fists clenched into her shirt, kneading the soft material as she reached up to stroke his hair.  


“Hey it’s okay. Whatever happened it’s okay,” she soothed. This only prompted him to break out in a fresh round of sobs.  


“It’s not okay,” he cried, the image of your limp and bloody body burned into his mind. “It’s not okay. She’s dying and it’s my fault.”  


He devolved into unintelligible noises as his tears soaked through May’s shirt. Eventually he calmed down and she was able to carry him to his bed. Having run out of tears, he was now simply breathing short and fast, murmuring the same mantra he had been while he cried, though May was only now able to understand what he was saying.  


“I couldn’t keep her safe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you want fluffier content or to request hc/oneshots/anything really swing by my tumblr (@slytherloki)!! i also update on when i post next :)


	3. part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omfg you guys i'm so sorry!!! this took so long!!! i had major block and also was on a week long trip to seattle (where i got to meet tom holland and tom hiddleston holy shit im still shook) BUT ITS HERE NOW  
> it's not the greatest, but it's filler leading up to the finale (part 4) 
> 
> i really hope you enjoy and thank u all for your kind words on parts 1 and 2

When you regained consciousness nearly a week later, the first thing you noticed was the rhythmic beeping of the hospital machinery. You struggled to open your eyes, your eyelids feeling as though they had been glued together. Squinting against the harsh light emitting from the fluorescent bulbs above your bed, you blinked rapidly in an attempt to clear the crud from your eyes. Confused, your eyes scanned the room for something to clue you in to how you had managed to end up in the hospital when it suddenly came rushing back to you. A gasp slipped its way through your lips as everything came back in vivid flashes, sending your body back into fight or flight mode.  
You shot up in your bed, or at least attempted to.  
Your left leg was currently suspended in some kind of sling, a thick cast encasing your entire leg with only your bare foot left free. That hindered your movement slightly, but what really stopped your movement was the sharp pain in your abdomen. You gingerly pushed the hospital gown out of the way, revealing layers of bandages encircling your entire waist. The wrap is a pure white, having just been changed recently by a nurse, but when you look down all you can see is a phantom crimson stain spreading across your entire midsection.  
Your breath hitches in your throat as you start frantically pressing your hands against the dressing, attempting to slow the bleeding that isn’t there before your attention is drawn away by a chair scraping across the tile floors on the other side of the hospital room.  
“Y/N?” you hear a familiar voice ask, tinged with equal parts hope and concern.  
The hallucination is forgotten as your dad moves toward you, your mom not far behind him as they come and sit on the edge of your bed, tears welling in their eyes. Your mom grabs your hand, resisting the urge to hug you out of fear of hurting you. A small silence hangs in the air between you three before everyone breaks out into tears, jumbled sentences interrupting the sobs that now filled the room.  
Overlapping statements of “I never thought I’d see you guys again” and “I’m so glad you’re OK” were still saturating the clean hospital air when your nurse was drawn into the room from the commotion.  
“Glad to see you’re awake Miss Y/N,” the nurse said, smiling at the scene in front of her. “I’m just going to check up on your vitals if that’s alright?”  
You simply nod at the nurse and your parents pull back a little bit to allow her the space needed to do her job. She moved around the bed, taking your blood pressure and switching out one of the IV drips you were hooked up to. “So do you remember how this happened? Because all we know is that Spider-kid or whatever dropped you off in the ER with your leg in pretty bad shape and a gunshot wound to the abdomen. If I’m being honest, you’re very lucky to be alive right now.”  
Somewhere in the back of your mind, you’d known this question was coming. You’d known that sooner or later you’d have to explain why you never came home from school and how you had ended up with a gunshot wound and a broken leg.  
That didn’t make it any easier, or prevent the nausea from rising up in your throat. You could feel the memories of the incident banging around in your head, threatening to overwhelm you and take you back to that night.  
“I don’t remember much,” you murmur, fiddling with the hem of the hospital gown. “Some guys grabbed me while I was walking home from school. I dunno what they wanted but Spider-man came and tried to save me. Guess he just didn’t make it in time.” You shrug, avoiding their pity filled looks.  
You didn’t want to mention Ned and force him into this mess any more than he already was and you sure as hell couldn’t tell them that Peter was actually Spider-man. Unfortunately, that left a lot of holes in your story and you could tell from the discontented noises everyone was making that they didn’t exactly believe you.  
“Listen, I don’t want to talk about it, OK? It was awful.”  
The nurse gave you a soft smile and thankfully changed the subject, choosing to start discussing your injuries and the recovery process. Your parents are listening attentively but you tuned her out after she said that you would be able to leave the hospital in a week. Instead you’re staring at your parents, memorizing every line on their faces. Coming so close to death had made you realize just how lucky you were to have them and just how much you took for granted.  
You wouldn’t be ungrateful anymore, not when you’d seen just how quickly it can be ripped away.  
Eventually, the nurse left and you and your parents spent the rest of the evening talking until you began to notice just how exhausted they looked. Urging them to go home and get some rest, they finally agreed as visiting hours were drawing to a close.  
“Oh!” your mom exclaimed, a knowing smile crossing her face as she packed up her things. “Peter has been sitting in the waiting room since the day after you got here. He couldn’t come in here while you were out, but you can see him now if you want?” she offered, knowing how close you and he were. Or rather, used to be. You hadn’t told your parents about you and Peter’s fight, simply because you didn’t want to talk about it.  
“No.”  
The word comes out of your mouth clipped and harsh. Short, yet deafening. Not unlike the gunshot that had put you here. The gunshot…. That was all it took before suddenly the memories of the ordeal are rushing back, overwhelmingly real this time.  
Your mom is saying something, probably asking why you don’t want to see him if the confused look on her face was anything to go by. However, all you can hear is Peter’s voice, echoing throughout the dirty warehouse, the words “I choose Ned” breaking the silence and your heart. A heavy weight settles on your chest, a vice that coils tighter and tighter around your lungs as you try to breathe.  
Your surroundings are blurry again and the phantom bloodstain has returned, eliciting an involuntary whimper from you as you start to hyperventilate. In the distance you can faintly hear people clamoring about you and the frantic beeps of the hospital machines, but the only thing you can focus on is the image of Peter hovering above you and the pain in your abdomen. Screams echo through the hospital room, and somewhere in the back of your mind you realize that they’re yours even though they sound so far away.  
Finally, you felt a sharp prick in your arm as the nurse finally managed to sedate you. The hallucinations fade away to reveal the panicked and tear streaked faces of your parents being escorted out by a doctor.  
Feeling heavy from the sedative you feel yourself begin to drift off again, visions of Peter’s face still dancing behind your heavy eyelids.

~~~~~~~ 

When you wake up again, the hospital room is empty and dark, save for a small light coming out of the connecting bathroom. A strange sense of deja vu overcomes you as you see a figure sitting in the chair at the foot of your bed. Though this time, it’s not your dad.  
Realizing you’re awake, the figure rises from the chair and cautiously moves toward you. “Y/N?” they ask tentatively, giving away their identity.  
It was Peter.  
Already, images were rushing into your mind unbidden and unwanted. You could feel your breath hitching in your throat and the invisible vice had returned making it impossible to breathe. You could see the black haired man standing in front of you and his henchmen leering over you, a crowbar ready to break your kneecap.  
“Petey, please don’t let them hurt me” you whimper, hating how vulnerable and needy you sounded. You couldn’t help it though, more than anything you just wanted to escape the memories of that night.  
Your whole body feels fuzzy as you try to fight off the flashback, trying to find something, anything, that could ground you in the present. Faintly, you can hear rustling from inside the room and then Peter is on the tiny hospital bed with you, pulling you into his chest.  
Just like that, you snap back. His touch bringing you rushing back into the present, and pushing the horrors of that night to the back of your mind.  
He’s murmuring soothing things into your hair, and while you can feel the anger and resentment towards him building up inside you, you can’t help but to just savor in this moment. A moment that reminds you of when things were simpler, and you and Peter were best friends.  
“How’d you get in here?” you ask, pulling away from his chest to look him his eyes.  
“I uh, came in through the window cause they wouldn’t let me see you. Something about not being family or whatever” he blushes and you notice him picking at his fingernails, something you knew him to do only when extremely nervous.  
He follows your gaze and his hands immediately still, a nervous chuckle escaping his lungs and filling the heavy air between you two. Your head came back to rest against his chest and his fingers wound themselves through your hair once more. Everything about this felt familiar and safe, something you hadn’t felt in what seemed like forever.  
It couldn’t last though, and the illusion came crashing down when Peter murmured “I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again” as he traced circles down your arm with his fingers.  
Letting out a dejected sigh you pulled out of his grasp again to look up at him. “Please don’t make promises you can’t keep”  
You didn’t have enhanced senses but you could still feel his heart drop when you spoke. “I can though!” he protested, sitting up straighter next to you. “I’ve had Karen set up all sorts of new protocols and -”  
You cut him off with a soft shake of your head. “It’s not that, Pete” you say, silently cursing yourself for still using your old nicknames for him. “You’re the one that hurt me most. First you didn’t trust me enough to tell me about being,” you lowered your voice now, “y’know Spider-man and then y-”  
He interrupted you this time, words tumbling from his mouth before he could stop them. “I didn’t tell you because you would be put in danger! I’m already constantly worried about Aunt May and I promise I didn’t mean for Ned to find out it just sort of happened…”, he trailed off when he met your gaze and saw the tears running freely down your cheeks.  
He’d made you cry so many times in the last few weeks, something he would have never thought possible, and he hated himself for it. He hated that he was losing you, his best friend, all because he wasn’t able to find the balance between Spider-man and Peter Parker. More than anything, he hated that your trust in him had become so broken that he didn’t know if he could ever fix it.  
Seizing the opportunity his silence offered, you pressed on, still fighting against the panicky feelings that threatened to break free again. “You didn’t tell me, but I was put in danger anyways. Even though we hadn’t talked in weeks. Don’t you see? Because I used to be your best friend, I’m never going to be safe Peter. But if you would’ve told me I could’ve at least been prepared.”  
He knew that the entirety of what you just said was important, and he knew you were right, but he couldn’t help but fixate on three little words. “Used to be?” His voice came out so broken and small that you almost wanted to take it back.  
“Yeah, Peter. Used to be.” You sighed, running your hands through your hair, hating every second of this. “You chose Ned and that’s fine. I get it. But I can’t just pretend everything’s fine. I can’t do it.” You struggled to keep your voice from breaking, but didn’t succeed.  
“I chose Ned?” Peter could feel the anger flaring up in him now, though he tried to ignore it. He knew that was the last thing this conversation needed right now. “Y/N, I chose Ned because you couldn’t walk! I needed him to be able to get himself to a safe spot and you wouldn’t have been able to do that! I didn’t choose him because I value his life more than yours, you can’t tell me you actually believe that?”  
You’d recoiled as much as the bed and your leg allowed, flinching when he raised his voice at you. “I don’t know what to believe anymore. A month ago I would’ve thought you’d never lie to me, but know we both know that isn’t the case.”  
“Y/N, I…” Peter trailed off, searching for the right words that would make you see just how much he cared about you and your friendship, but you interrupted him before he could find them.  
“Just… Just go home Peter.”  
“W-what?” Your friendship might have been over in your eyes but he never expected you to just kick him out.  
“You heard me, go home.” you repeated, the resignation in your voice clear. “I’m fine now, you don’t have to worry about me anymore. You can go back to doing whatever you and Ned get into these days. I’ll be fine.”  
“I can’t just leave you here,” he cried, but it was no use. You were already shoving him off the tiny hospital bed.  
“I can’t just forgive you Peter, and it’s so hard to be around you right now. Please, just leave.” The tears you had been struggling to hold in now flowed freely, and you couldn’t be bothered to attempt to wipe them away at this point.  
“Y/N…” he tried again, though he was backing up towards the window he had come in through.  
“GET OUT!” you yelled, no longer caring if any of the hospital staff heard you. “JUST GET OUT PARKER I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN” You squeezed your eyes shut, digging your nails into the palms of your hands, trying to find something to keep your emotions and memories from overwhelming you.  
When you opened your eyes again, Peter was gone and a concerned nurse was in his place, looking down at you with worry.  
“Oh, sorry, must’ve been a nightmare” you mutter, not bothering to come up with a better excuse.  
The nurse doesn’t look convinced, but he leaves the room after checking your vitals and ensuring that everything was ok. You want nothing more than to curl up and cry yourself to sleep but you can’t get comfortable with your leg in the air and that irritates you even more. Shoving your pillow over your head you let out a muffled scream of frustration, before devolving back into full on sobs.  
You cry for an hour, just trying to process everything that had happened, before you finally exhaust yourself to the point where you can fall asleep. You can’t see the heartbroken boy on the building across the way, looking in through your window, or hear his broken sobs that echo yours.  
You couldn’t hear his whispered promise to himself that he would find a way, do anything it took, to show you just how much your friendship meant to him and get you back in his life. 


End file.
